made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
