GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
