Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
