franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
