the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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