She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
