I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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