Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who died my cat blue again?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
