The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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