I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
