Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
