I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she told me i tasted like america
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
