It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
