Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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