There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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