...so i touched it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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