Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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