Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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