We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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