hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
