Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
