Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
