paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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