i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
