Your tits are I can't wait for
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
