I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
