JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
