Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
