so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
