We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
