This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
