I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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