That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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