FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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