Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
