Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
