there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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