Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
