the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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