Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
