im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
