OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just pynch a tree in the face
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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