Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
