mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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