I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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