i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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