at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
