mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
