Your dad touched me again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
