Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize