Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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