Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
