If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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