It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize