He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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