I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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