Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
