well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
