That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
