I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
