My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize