my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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