Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
