i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
