I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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