Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
