just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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