I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
