If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
