I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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