I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
