i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
