So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
