We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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