How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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