i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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