yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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