don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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