It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
