At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
