You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
