Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
