Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize