Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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