Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
