sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
