the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
