When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Boobs speak an international language.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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