He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
