Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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