I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize