is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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