i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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